T3+writing

WALT features of a recount. it retells past events in the order they occurred. s.c recall past events use personal pronouns. has an introduction. . has a condusion. . is written in past tenths. . has sequenced in order. . Tells us what,when,why,where-introduction. personal comments conjunctions to connect time [firstly,shortly,next] Adjectives - big Nouns - climbing,sam Verb, run introduction. who? room 30 and room 29 what? out door education camp when? monday 5 sept -friday 9 sept- where? Ngamuwahine.  My dream house my dream house is 3 stores, it has a slide comes out of my bed room into the pool, It have a huge movie theater down stares of my bed room, It have a i have an elevator from my kitchen to my room, It have a room made of jelly and a fountain of chocolate. I feel that it has got to much stuff for a chilled but it would be cool any way. Once there was a hippo his name was bob it was a big day for him he had to go to a puzzle tournament he was super intelligent. He flow there with his big wings and all the animals cheered he was so exited. they started the puzzle he got stuck but then he heard bang it gave him a fright but he realized it was the answer. Finally he had finished and he had one the tournament he got a plasma t.v for wining. When he got home he watched his brand new t.v and then bang smash crash his opponents came in all angry why did you win [bob said] because i am smart [they said] oh ok by. // You started off this story quite well, but what happened to the end? you could of described the tourdament in more detail and that would have been a great paragraph. This worked seems very rushed. You are starting to use language features such as onomatopoeias "bang" but you could back this up with adjectives, instead of just saying he got a fright, describe this fright. // // next learning steps // // Manage your time better. // // Apply the same effort throughout the whole lesson, it was a good start but a poor finish. // // Work on using more language features to describe what you are writing. //